That Guy

Every team has them. It's the guy you can always blame, for better or for worse. by Mike Izzo

AP Photo/Tony Gutier

Last week spring training finally began and baseball fans were greeted with some expected story lines: Albert Pujols won’t sign a contract! The Phillies can pitch… even better than before! The Steinbrenners have negative things to say about their players! Carmelo Anthony got traded to the Knicks…sorry, wrong sport. They seem to show it everywhere I’ve been getting a little confused!

One story that we didn’t expect? Miguel Cabrera taking a swig of scotch in front of a police officer while behind the wheel. But really this one is on the fans. We should have seen it coming. After all, of all the Detroit Tigers to screw up, Cabrera would be “that guy”. It got me thinking, which other “that guy’s” could factor into this upcoming season.

First, our rating system. 

 1 Swig of Scotch: Not a huge deal. Can be a problem, but only if you're reaching for one.

 2 Swig of Scotch: He's done it before, but it's not exactly a habit.

 3 Swigs of Scotch: He's going to cause a problem, but how big of one?

4 Swigs of Scotch: Causes chaos in an already chaotic situation. 

 5 Swigs of Scotch: Absolutely combustible personality. He's going to cause a problem and it's going to be catastrophic.

---
Now, onto our picks for the 2011 "that guy's" of MLB.

Stephen Strasburg, SP, Washington Nationals

How long until a team gets tired of hearing about nothing but one rookie pitcher? My guess would be about 6-8 months ago. Now how annoying must those questions be a second year in a row, especially when the guy isn’t even pitching? I’m guessing it was a factor in Adam Dunn running for greener pastures, along with a slew of free agents the eager Nationals missed out on (though they did give the moon to Jason Werth). Sorry Strasburg, you seem like a stand up individual, but due to no real fault of your own, you’re D.C.’s “that guy.”

Alex Rodriquez, 3B, New York Yankees

Just because he successfully maneuvered himself out of popcorn-gate, doesn’t mean he’s home free for the season. Since coming to the Yankees, this guy’s got a track record for controversy to rival Mike Tyson (or at least Ron Artest). So what could plague him this year? Perhaps he still underperforms at the plate even with a good hip and starts to criticize teammates. Maybe all that steroid talk will come back around the time of Roger Clemens’ trial. My money is on him trading in Cameron Diaz for a younger model. In the past two years he’s tried Madonna, Kate Hudson, and Diaz. Now I think he starts taking old flames of teammates. Could he break up Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey just to piss of Jeter or will he take a stab at one of Nick Swisher’s Gossip Girls? With A-Rod, anything is conceivable and that’s why he’s New York’s “that guy.”

Manny Ramirez, OF, Tampa Bay Rays

You disappoint me, Tampa. I always pegged you as a smart bunch down there because you always knew who to get and who to keep. But then you lose out on Carl Crawford, panic and trade Matt Garza. To top it all off, now you have to deal with Man-Ram. I give him two months before he starts running his mouth about how wants to be traded to a better team. Just hope he doesn’t decide he wants to play outfield. You’ll be begging for the days when Jose Canseco was “that guy.”

Carlos Zambrano, SP, Chicago Cubs

The possibilities are endless. What do you think the Vegas odds are of Zambrano getting into a fight with a teammate before the all-star break? Factor in his weekly temper tantrums and shaky pitching and I fully expect a trade midway through the season. With a new home, comes a new group of reporters to piss him off, especially in New York or Los Angeles. How long until he decks one of them? Actually I’m quite afraid for anyone who gets in the way of Zambrano this season, especially if he goes to the American League and still expects to bat. Nobody needs “that guy.”

Ozzie Guillen, Manager, Chicago White Sox

You know your team is headed for trouble when “that guy” is your manager. It’s bad enough when your team isn’t hitting well, or seems to be making a costly error on a weekly basis. You don’t need your manager telling you how much you suck on top of it. Yet, it’s what Ozzie thrives on. Heck, it’s expected. Sooner or later he is going to take it too far. There are only so many times you can curse out your players, the media, the owner, the bat boy, and the barrister at Starbucks before you take it too far. Something tells me this is that season. All it takes is one profanity-riddled, offensive tirade coupled with a lengthy losing streak, and Chicago may be calling Torre, Cox, or Piniella to see if they’re over their respective retirements. And for that reason you are the 2011 pick for Major League Baseball’s “That Guy.” Wear it well, Ozzie, wear it well.