UFC 135: Jones vs Jackson

Jon Jones may very well be on of the nicest guys, unless of course he's choking you out in the octagon. By Eugene Lanzoni

(AP Photo)

    Twenty four years ago, Chuck Norris and Muhammad Ali met on a top of a mountain in the northern expanses of Tibet. Far from mere happenstance, their meeting on this frigid winter night had been preordained by the legendary prophecy of old. Centuries ago, H.P. Lovecraft foretold the coming of a six foot four ass-kicking god whose limitless repertoire of cranium obliterating elbows and crippling leg kicks would tear apart the space-time continuum, thus unleashing Cthulu upon the world. 

   On July 19, 1987 this prophecy was fulfilled as Chuck Norris and Muhammad Ali brought their progeny, Jon “Bones” Jones, into the world. Mixed Martial Arts would never be the same. 

   Seriously, Jonny “Bones” Jones is a video game. He’s Batman. Judging from his dominant performances in the UFC octagon, he’s anything but a polite, respectful young man born into modest circumstances in Endicott, New York. And yet strangely enough, under his shiny light heavyweight championship belt, that’s exactly who Jon Jones is. 

   He’s a class act who casually dispatches opponents with much ease and always treats them with the respect they deserve (Anderson Silva could learn a thing or two). He’s a young man who loves nature to such an extent that before every fight he meditates in a place of great natural beauty in order to achieve internal homeostasis. He’s a man of such strong moral fiber that, with only a scant few hours before his title shot against Maurcio “Shogun” Rua at UFC 128, he found the time to rescue an old lady from a mugger and return her stolen purse. And what’s more amazing is that even after this valiant act, Jones’ sense of civic duty compelled him to yet further benevolence. While waiting for the police to arrive Jones decided to get a head start on rehabilitation by telling the unfortunate rapscallion, “People work hard for their stuff; you shouldn’t be taking it from them. You should choose a better path in life. Imagine if that woman was your sister. How would you feel?” Perhaps Superman is the more apt comic book comparison. 

   At UFC 135 on Saturday night Jones certainly looked like Superman. He defended his seemingly indefensible belt by dismantling Quinton “Rampage” Jackson in stunning fashion (the light heavyweight belt hasn’t been defended more than once since the reign of Chuck Liddell’s mohawk). Rampage was beat from the second he stepped into the octagon, and not even having Bradley Cooper and Liam Neeson in his corner could save B.A. Barackus this time. Hannibal always loves it when a plan comes together, and he would be appalled at Rampage’s complete and total lack of a strategy to combat Jones’ freakish 34.5-inch reach advantage (if these last few lines sound like total nonsense, go watch A-Team). Of course it’s somewhat unfair to criticize Jackson because it’s almost impossible to game plan your way around a guy with golf clubs for arms. Sports Science did an awesome segment on Jon Jones where they used numbers, algorithms, and test tubes to basically prove that he was engineered in a laboratory to break human clavicles. 

 Check out the machine himself in this Sports Science segment.

   At 1:14 in the 4th round Jones choked out a battered and bruised Jackson. And while the finish was slightly vanilla, Jones, who is renowned for his unorthodox style of combat, actually utilized a number of zany techniques to win the bout. Right out of the gates, Jones came at Rampage in an outrageous crawling, spider-monkey stance that he quickly abandoned after his initial takedown attempt failed. The following rounds then featured a barrage of elbows, spinning back elbows, axe kicks, flying knees, superman punches, and even a rarely-seen flying triangle choke that I thought people only attempted in movies like “Never Back Down”. Once all was said and done I wouldn’t have been surprised to see Jones turn Super Saiyan and unleash a Kamehame blast on Rampage.

Rashad Evans (AP Photo)

   The widely vilified, consummate villain Rashad Evans will pose the next challenge to Jones’ status as light heavyweight champ. If the young phenom from upstate New York is able to surmount this newest obstacle, there’s no telling what lies in store for him. I know I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for a super-fight against Anderson Silva, but in the meantime there’s plenty of athletic success in the Jones family to go around. With Jon’s brother Arthur Jones playing for the Baltimore Ravens and his other sibling Chandler playing defensive tackle for the Syracuse Orange, the Jones’ clan definitely looks like a group on the up and up. And while Jon “Bones” Jones is an inhuman force of destruction on fight night, there’s no questioning his humanity outside the octagon.