Halloween Fun: Potential NHL Horror Movies

In honor of Halloween, I will unleash my inner Wes Craven and share a few ideas for hockey-themed horror films.

By Tyler Piccotti

Being a hockey fan is a pretty horrifying proposition these days. After all, there are no games being played, and the NHL schedule is shrinking every week with the lockout. The league’s top players are continuing to disappear as they opt to play overseas, leaving a dead silence hovering over the empty arenas.

(Photo Courtesy of Washingtonpost.com)

I’m getting goose bumps just thinking about it.

Since we are less than a week from Halloween, I figured it might be a good idea to lighten the mood with some holiday humor. As we all know, horror movies are as synonymous with Halloween as candy and pumpkins are.

Costume shops even sell plenty of disguises based on popular horror villains. AMC provides a major dose of blood and guts with its yearly FearFest marathon. Neighborhoods are decorated with fake monsters and ghouls. It seems as though everywhere you look, there’s a horror film reference to be found.

Then one day, I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a hockey-themed horror movie?”

“Yes,” I replied to my subconscious. “It certainly would.”

For this reason (and because my brain often works in mysterious ways), I have taken the liberty of proposing a few examples of movies that would absolutely terrify hockey fans. I think they embody both the spirit of Halloween and the competitive nature of the NHL. Now all you have to do is sit back, relax, and get ready to scream.

A Nightmare on Broad Street

It’s the middle of the 2014 Eastern Conference finals, and the Flyers are locked in a heated seven game series with the Penguins. The Flyers had jumped out to a quick 2-0 series lead, but then things started to get weird. Scott Hartnell has lost his edge on the ice, playing like someone who hasn’t slept in days. Ilya Bryzgalov is trying to stop slap shots that do not exist. Are the Flyers just cracking under the playoff pressure?

Perhaps this is true. Then again, maybe there’s another reason for their sudden anxiety.

Rumor has it that Penguins sniper Evgeni Malkin has begun to invade the dreams of each Flyers player. They can’t sleep for a single minute before #71 appears and puts on an offensive showcase. The terrifying part? All the goals he scores in their dreams have begun to occur during the actual series. Will the Flyers be able to overcome their fear of the infamous “Geno”? That’s for you, the viewer, to find out.

Jet Sematary

The front office of the Atlanta Thrashers franchise thought the team had turned a corner when it made the 2007 Stanley Cup Playoffs. Unfortunately, the team’s playoff aspirations died a short time later. The team’s resulting postseason absence during the next four years finally grew too stressful for the executives to handle. They decided to take the team to Winnipeg and attempt to resurrect the 2007 glory days of the franchise.

As they learn, however, some things sound just too good to be true.

Instead, the team returns as a shell of its pre-playoff self. It begins taunting Winnipeg fans to come to the MTS Centre, only to terrify them with abominable goaltending. Will the front office be able to fix things, or has it created an unpredictable force that can’t be altered? The answer may horrify you.

Yet Another Friday the 13^th: Jason Invades Toronto

What better villain could there possibly be to star in a hockey film than the masked maniac himself, Jason Voorhees?

In yet another sequel in this incessantly growing film anthology, Jason is resurrected by the Toronto Maple Leafs and recruited to man the pipes.  After all, he already has his own goalie mask, and it’s not like he’s a worse option than what the Leafs have now with James Reimer and Ben Scrivens. Anyway, at first things go surprisingly well. Opposing players are so scared of Jason that they are afraid to go anywhere near the net. In a matchup against the Bruins, however, a huge brawl erupts and Jason is challenged to a fight.

Uh oh. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how the big man will likely react.

Will the men in stripes be able to contain his rage? Will the masked behemoth have his revenge? It’s hard to say, but you can bet there will definitely be some game misconducts handed out.

I better stop writing before I prevent myself from sleeping for two weeks. I don’t know about you, but I would certainly buy a ticket for each of these films. Although, I think I’ll skip the concession stand. The going price for a large bag of popcorn and a soda may be the only thing that’s more terrifying than a well-constructed horror movie.

Have a terrific Halloween, everyone.