Problem Solving 101- Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica

Eugene Lanzoni looks at the Chicago Bears and their woeful offensive line.

(AP Photo/David J. Phillip)

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Everyone has heard this little gem of an adage at one point or another, and god only knows that the talking heads on sports shows love to say it. Trite aphorisms such as this can be useful in the correct context, but if misinterpreted they can prove disastrous. Case in point: the Chicago Bears. Clearly something was lost in translation for coaches Lovie Smith and Mike Tice because they seem perfectly content to just slap some duct tape on their horribly mangled O-line and simply call it a day. If it is broken you are supposed to fix it Lovie, so for the love of Mike Ditka get out there and find yourself a few decent blockers. And while you’re there, get me a juice box.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ry1tNGC6npg

Seriously, the Bears aren’t even pretending to fix their O-line. Cutting loose arguably your best lineman in Olin Kreutz isn’t fixing anything. Filling the resulting hole at center with right guard Roberto Garza, who was already subpar in his customary role, isn’t fixing anything. And even having J’Marcus Webb on your payroll, let alone starting him at left tackle, is an atrocity in and of itself. Everyone has that rusty sink pipe they’ve been meaning to get looked at but which procrastination thrusts further and further into disrepair. The problem is that, in Lovie Smith’s case, the rusty pipe is the Bear’s entire O-line and it’s the only thing standing between Jay Cutler and the wrath of Clay Matthews.

If the Bears want to survive in the cutthroat NFC North they need to find a way to adapt. Stagnation isn’t a winning formula, especially not in a division where the competition improves by leaps and bounds on a yearly basis. Now is not the time to rest on your laurels in the NFC North, not even if your laurels happen to be a stellar Brian Urlacher led defense. The Lions and Packers are never satisfied with last year’s product, and neither can the Bears if they want to remain competitive. The Packers wouldn’t be satisfied with Devin Hester as their number one receiver for yet another year. The Lions wouldn’t be satisfied with the loss of hopeful young talents like Greg Olsen and Devin Aromashodu. And no team, professional or amateur, fictional or real, would ever be satisfied with the weekly shit show occurring in the Chicago trenches. 21 sacks for a net loss of 143 yards: that is the gaping hole that Lovie has to caulk up in order to provide Cutler and Matt Forte (most underrated player the NFL) with some much needed relief. The obvious short-term solution is to rent out Jeff Saturday and the rest of the Colts O-line from Indianapolis for the remainder of the season. This way the Bears receive better protection, the Colts strengthen their bid for the greatest quarterback tandem in league history, and Curtis Painter likely dies of having no unbroken bones remaining in his body. Win, win, win.