Kro's Nest: Week 3

A look-in to the fantasy world of a New York Giants fan who's juggling between three teams and relying on his bitter rivals for success. by Jon Krouner

(AP Photo/Rick Osentoski)

Disclaimer: If you haven’t seen the flick Rounders, you should be ashamed of yourself and I don’t see us getting along very well. Plus, these words will be Chinese. Sitting at that table with Teddy KGB twisting Oreos, all Mike McDermott, or Mike McD, had left was $10K loaned from the Yid judge, who drinks straight gin. Note to reader(s): Do not abandon the Yeshiva, you will become immune to alcohol. If he lost that $10K, his life would be in the hands of a wannabe gangster. His girlfriend moved out, cashed-in her chips. His boyhood friend—more like brother—Worm, aka “Jamaal Charles” for our purposes, abandoned him to his fate. 



Jamaal Charles (above) owners, Mike McD is you. If you don’t have Charles, don’t laugh yet. You’ll be joining the Mike McD of your league pretty soon. There seems to have been a spate of injuries in the first two weeks of this NFL season. I’m not basing this off fact but simply on the injury reports clogging up the airwaves (or pseudoscience, your choice). This is probably due to limited off-season workouts and shortened training camps thanks to the owners-flagellating-players-otherwise-knows-as-the-lockout (see: Manning, Peyton).
Look at me as your Knish. I’m here to tell you that all is not lost and maybe I’ll spring for a street wiener and a shvitz.

Just remember: “This isn't a gunfight. It's not about pride or ego. It's only about money.” – Mike McD

Or accumulating stats and playing matchups. Either way, you need to adjust. Things haven’t gone as planned. (Chris Johnson owners nodding). Like McD, you’re down to the felt without your workhorse. If you’re in the judges’ game, great, you’ll be able to make your way back. But more than likely you’re playing with seasoned rounders that aren’t going to fall for your Mike Tolbert + 2nd tier WR bait. In other words, it’s going to be nearly impossible to make up for losing a blue-chipper.


Here are some thoughts on moving forward. 
Poach players from the winless teams. 
In the opening moments of Rounders, Mike McD says, “Listen, here's the thing: if you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.” The 0-2 teams are the suckers. More than likely they are freaking out because they banked on production from Rashard Mendenhall (PIT, RB)), Arian Foster (HOU, RB), and CJ2K. They know they can’t afford to go 0-3 because the odds of making the playoffs are—our in-house statistician is plugging excel as I type, so I’ll leave it at—not good. Do your best to get one of these guys and just hope that Foster reverts to barbarian status. I’m not high on CJ2K the “holdout queen” but you have to take a chance if you want to have a chance. Also, “It’s immoral to let a sucker to keep his money.” Had to throw that in. 


Your cheat sheet, note 1: Other 1st and 2nd round draft picks off to slow starts: Roddy White (WR, ATL), Hakeem Nicks (WR, NYG), Frank Gore (RB, SF), DeSean Jackson (WR, PHI), Ahmad Bradshaw (RB, NYG). 


You didn’t forget the Cardinal Rule, did you? Always leave yourself outs. Players are chess pieces. You lost your queen early in the game and as much as you need to find stars, you also need to horde and protect your assets, be they pawns or knights. You now need to be in the business of speculation, as any fantasy owner should be. 

Do yourself a favor and watch this movie.

If Adrian Peterson (MIN, RB) pops his patella tendon, who steps in? Toby Gerhart and Lorenzo Booker sometimes it only takes an opportunity to make a star. Did you know who James Starks (GB, RB) was before last January? Collect these guys. I’m not saying hope for injuries. I’m saying they’re inevitable. Let future Ben Tates be on your squad. Is it worth sacrificing a useable guy like Lance Moore to store a back-up? Well, that depends on your league and how much risk you’re willing to take.


Your cheat sheet, note 2: Back-ups I like that you might not have thought of: Roy Helu (WSH, RB) Javon Ringer (TEN, RB), Steven Ridley (NE, RB), Anthony Dixon (SF, RB), Delone Carter (IND, RB), Kevin Ogletree (DAL, WR), Vince Young (PHI, QB). 

Finally, temper your expectations. There’s a great line at the end of Blue Chips when coach Pete Bell (Nick Nolte) gives his final speech (no spoilers here):

“You know the best coaching job I ever did was last season when we were 14-15,” Bell says. “We had a losing season but goddamnit those kids, they gave me their heart! They gave me everything they had. They played up to the maximum of their ability.”

Look, there’s no shame in going .500 with this team. You’ve lost your best player but play the hand your dealt. Offer trades. Add free agents. Make iced tea. Hopefully, when you stand up from the table you, much like Mike McD, will be back where you started — with three stacks of high society — or just different imaginary players. Next week: Lessons from Boiler Room